I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
