Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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