He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
