Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
