went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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