Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
