Jerry, you need to find god
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize