my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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