At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
