i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
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Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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