apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
