is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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