No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
how drunk are you?
Several
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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