i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
