There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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