Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
