wat bout pragnant strippers??
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
