I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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