so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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