Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
