everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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