If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
