having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
