Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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