i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
