Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
