ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
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fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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