Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
this hospital has no fireball
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
