your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
