remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Say something about gay babies.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
