You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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