I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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