I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
