The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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