Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
