yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
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i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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