hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
