so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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