i don't like sucking hair
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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