I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
