Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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