never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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