Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
