he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
