I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wanna go halves on a baby?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't tell me you're on acid again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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