i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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