i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
