2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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