:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
