How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
