I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You pole danced in your parka.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
