also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
