Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
