He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
