He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
