How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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