He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
