people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
