tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i out mim tonsoeep
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