I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
