Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
