he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
