Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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