that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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