I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
