Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
