is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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