4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
