he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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