did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
