I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I look better un-naked...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
