i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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